5 Things I Wish My Mom Had Told Me

Motherhood is a wild, scary, beautiful ride. I think growing up I always knew I was going to be a mom but I really had NO IDEA what that actually meant other than giving birth. There is so much more to motherhood and I am not sure we can ever truly be ‘ready’ for it.

But, there are a few things I wish my mom had prepared me for when it comes to motherhood. Here are 5 things I wish I had known going into motherhood:

5 Things I Wish My Mom Had Told Me

1.The Nightmares and Constant Worry

The worry that comes along with motherhood is crippling at times. Every time Miller starts running I am fearful she will fall. Every time Callen goes to sleep at night I think ‘what if he doesn’t wake up?’ As if these day to day worries aren’t enough, I constantly have nightmares. In these nightmares something bad happens to the kids, or to Troy, or to myself and they always feel so real.

We let the kids be kids, but there is still all this worry that I try my hardest not to let them all see.

2.The Emotional Roller Coaster

When you first bring that baby home it is hard. Like really hard. Your hormones are CRAZY and you just feel everything all at once. That, on top of zero sleep, can really get to your emotions.

Once your babies grow up the crying doesn’t stop. Sometimes I just look at them and cry. Sometimes Miller will do something and be so proud of herself and it makes me cry just seeing her so proud. I will just lay on Callen’s play mat with him and squeeze him and cry thinking about him growing up.

You will have hard days and amazing days and they will all bring you the same tears.

The love you have for them is crazy fierce and something you would never in your wildest dreams believe was possible. Like your heart aches when you look at them. Motherhood is a very emotional journey.

3.The Loss of Identity

I am no longer Amanda. I am Mommy. I have these tiny humans now and their world revolves around me and my world revolves around them. Selfishness turns into selflessness and you become exactly what they need.

Don’t get me wrong. Mommy is exactly who I want to be for the rest of my life. It is just crazy how I can hardly remember ‘Amanda’ and who she was before Troy, Miller, and Callen. Maybe I would have tried to hold on to some of the parts I really loved about her, and maybe I already brought some of them with me. Who knows because right now I am Mommy first, Wife second, and Amanda third. My life is all about being everything for the people that need me.

4.How Fast it All Goes

Yes, you always hear the ‘they grow up so fast’ cliche. I wish I had sat down with my mom and talked about what that really means. Like what that actually feels like. Before kids I thought, ‘But don’t you want them to grow up?’ Uh no, you don’t!

After Miller I learned everything is a stage, and every single stage is precious. Because even if it was hard, when it is over it means they are older and have grown out of ‘that stage’.

Miller is now 2.5 and talking up a storm and becoming a little person and it is SO HARD TO TAKE. I can’t handle it. As proud as I am of her, I also want her to go back to the day she started walking. I want to hear her baby giggles again.

With Callen I just lay next to him on the ground and smell him and watch his every move and just try to be as present as possible. When he grows out of the baby stage it will break my heart.

There is no stopping it, but I have definitely learned how to be more present in these moments and to NEVER wish for a stage to end. It has taught me to appreciate every second.

5.You Can’t Control Who Your Kids Will Become

So my older sister was a very hard kid and teenager. Disrespectful, didn’t mind, just basically couldn’t be bothered with anything or anyone. It was her way or the highway. I remember when my parents would tell her to go to her room she would sit and kick at the door as hard as she could as long as she could. In middle school our nanny pulled over on the side of the road and told her to walk home.

When I got older I started to think about the person she was during that time. I thought ‘my parents are amazing parents, why was she like that?’

*PS- my sis grew out of it when she left the house for college and now is the most amazing mother with a heart of gold!

I got the answer once I had my own kids. They are born with their own personality. I think I thought from the moment they were born I could start to mold them into becoming the people I wanted them to be. It doesn’t work like that.

For example: Miller is extremely empathetic and a little scaredy cat. Pretty much exactly how I was as a kid, but I have done NOTHING since she was born to make her that way. That is just how she is and we love her for exactly who she is. I cannot wait to see who Callen is once he gets older.

As parents we can only hope to guide them to becoming kind people and teach them the principles we believe in and live by. As for the rest of it, it is out of our control.

At the end of the day, how you really learn to be a mother is by being a mother. My mom may have told me these things but I still wouldn’t have been prepared. What would you add to this list? Let me know in a comment below!

xox Amanda

To see more like this, head here: A LETTER TO MY 20 SOMETHING SELF

5 Comments

  1. Shannon
    May 16, 2021 / 11:34 pm

    This post makes me want to open a bottle of wine and talk and talk. My kids are 21 and almost 23 (next month) and so much of this still resonates.
    My next piece of advice for a mom of young kiddos. Get good girlfriends. Not competitive. Just the kind who will love you and your kids and vice versa. The best of husbands/dads don’t think like moms and that support will become invaluable. Also, acknowledge that those precious nuggets are God’s. They’re on loan to you from Him. I struggled deeply with fear for my kids when they were little. A dear mentor told me to surrender my kids into God’s very capable hands. This single practice has helped me through countless trials because He goes where I can’t and sees what I don’t.
    Also, as far as losing your identity, one day you will have to find it again and she will be different. This is where my friends and I are. Tears and excitement about an empty nest. Also, last night my daughter, husband and I went to listen to a band. We ran into her first grade teacher and she literally called me “Brett and Bailey’s mom”. It was the best thing because they are the best thing I have ever done. Keep on, Amanda. You’re doing great!!!!

  2. Jennifer
    May 12, 2021 / 8:24 pm

    I remember my older sisters telling me these things when they had kids. But when you are a single 20-something, you just.don’t.get.it I have had SO many moments as a mom of 2 kids in 2 years where I stop as say, “ah-hah! thats what they were talking about!” I also have a huge amount of guilt for being a terrible friend and sister to the women in my life who had kids before I did. How did all my girlfriends with babies leave them to come to my bachelorette weekend?! And they even remembered to wish me happy birthday or send me gifts as new moms. I will forever be trying to make up for this as a mom now.

  3. Kathy
    May 11, 2021 / 3:04 pm

    I completely agree with all of the things in your post! You’re right that even if your mom had tried to explain all of the things you’ve learned, you wouldn’t have truly understood until you experienced them yourself.

  4. Jennifer Featherington-Smith
    May 10, 2021 / 7:45 pm

    I’m glad my mother didn’t tell me most of these things. It would have dissuaded me from having children!

  5. Dena Novak
    May 10, 2021 / 2:01 pm

    Definitely how fast it goes! Time is a thief and some says it just feels so unfair. The other night putting my oldest to bed, I realized while he was icing all over my lap that he no longer fits there. It broke my heart. Somehow I closed my eyes and woke up and he was too big 😞

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